Slut skills are useful in every country.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
