Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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