this boner is exhausting
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize