Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
