They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
