There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
