I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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