we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
