i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
