I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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