I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
