the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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