I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
