In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize