Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
