Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
