Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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