Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
