Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
