So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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