I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
