everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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