i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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