Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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