You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
