He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
