just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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