Midget sex pt 2 tonight
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
