Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can you bring me the toilet please
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
