Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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