***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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