My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
