Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
