Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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