girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
