I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is my gift to your gina
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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