Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
