he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
