Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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