I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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