Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
