dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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