Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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