what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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