I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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