Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
