Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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