her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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