I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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