he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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