Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just high enough for therapy.
whose parrot is this?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
