dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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