I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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