And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
