I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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