Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
