When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
