the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
