i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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