New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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