You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
