Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
