Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
