two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
