: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
