Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
