if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
