i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
