He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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