Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
