I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just blew my weed a kiss
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
