This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just found puke in my bra..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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